Two questions to ask when you feel bad for not getting things done.

If you feel like you are not accomplishing what you "should" be doing while you have kids...

There is a fun game I used to play in my mind when my kids were little and I got tired of feeling put-upon by parenting. I would ask myself two questions.

1. What do I want to do today? (Imagine myself at the movies, or at lunch with a friend, or on a vacation.)

2. What do I want to do today now that I have kids? (Imagine myself laughing at my little one's cuteness or enjoying a moment staring into space while they are occupied for three minutes, or the blissful feeling of sleep. Oh, yes, sleep.)

Because oh boy those answers were different.

There was the me that would do stuff if I had unlimited time (and used to do when I had seeming unlimited time) and the me that had a baby or a toddler to take care of (and you know how demanding that can be).

The questions worked wondered. They honored my wants. They validated the person I still was underneath my role as a mom.  They took out so much frustration. They wiped out judgment about my performance as an adult human being and how much I was "getting done" in any given day.

The questions adjusted my expectations.

Not so I would settle, but so I would settle down. So I would settle in. Not so I would accomplish less in my life, but so I could appreciate the accomplishments and the times that were parenting-specific.

Even more important, they reminded me that I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a SAHM, even.

I choose this and I choose them.

So if you are feeling the yolk of parenting heavy around your neck...
If you are feeling like you aren't getting enough done...
If you feel like you are not accomplishing what you "should" be doing while you have kids...

Adjust your expectations for that period of time.

You'll still have the kid/s and the work that comes with them. You may not get as much done as you used to or even want to. But you'll have more happiness in the meantime, and that makes all the difference.

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