If you have ever felt like a failure… If you have ever thought you’ve found “the answer” to your next career, your single-person-woes or how to finally be happy… only to discover you were wrong…
If you are ready to stop feeling like a failure and start feeling like a success right now…
If so, then this article will be the most exciting and important message you’ll ever read!
Let me explain…
What It Is Not
Before I tell you what the real problem is, let me tell you what it is not.
The problem is not that you make mistakes.
Take a look at a one year old child. They bump into the furniture. They have food on their bibs (and even in their hair). They call everything “doggie” even if it’s a cow, a cat or a lion.
Would you look at that child and call them a failure?
You would cheer them on for learning how to walk, how to feed themselves and how to talk.
In fact, if you were related to that child you would even brag about how wonderful, smart and clever they are for trying to do all of those things.
In short: you would be so excited to see them improve you would not focus at all on their “oopsies”.
She Can’t Cook
But as we grow older we are expected to already know how to do everything.
Here is a true story from my own life.
I met my husband when I was 32. He teased me because I didn’t know how to cook. In fact, I was so ignorant about cooking I had to ask someone how to make eggs.
A part of me felt embarrassed about this. Since a part of me believed all “grown-up” women knew how to cook and I didn’t, this meant I was immature.
But another part of me said “Who cares? I’ve never been interested in cooking!” And in my mind I’d picture all of the wonderful things I’d been focusing on instead like:
If you were busy doing other things like I was and no one taught you how to cook (including you teaching yourself)… how would you know how to do it?
Classes We’ve Missed
It’s the same with every area of life.
How many of you graduated from high school or college, left home and all of a sudden discovered…
…you didn’t have clue how to balance a checkbook, manage your auto-insurance or handle a job interview?
How could you? When you were at home or in school none of those things mattered to you so you didn’t teach them to yourself.
And no one else taught them to you either!
Here are some important classes that probably weren’t offered in your school:
And who could blame you?
The Blame Game
Have you ever been excited about a date but had it turn into a disaster? Did you say things like “Dating sucks. I’m never going to date again. I’m just going to stay single.”
Have you ever been really excited about a new career only to find out it wasn’t what you were expecting? Did you ever say things like “I’m a failure. I’m never going to find my purpose in life.”
Are you struggling in a marriage right now that once felt fantastic? Are you saying to yourself “I guess I was wrong about this person after all and we should just get a divorce.”
If so… keep reading because I have a solution for you that will change your life for the better starting right now.
I want you to imagine that one-year-old again.
Picture them trying to walk and falling down.
Now picture their reaction to this.
What do they do?
Do they say “See? I’m terrible at this. I’m just not meant to live a happy life walking around. I’m going to stop trying.”
They pick themselves up and try again. Or they take a rest and try again later. Often times they laugh and then pick themselves up and try again.
But most importantly:
They never feel like a failure.
And here is why:
A one-year-old is not interested in just success or failure. They are interesting in figuring something out so they can have or do something they want. They are interested in basic questions like: “how does this work?” And “how can I do this better?”
They are excited about learning how to do something.
And that is why a one-year-old never fails.
If we looked at life in the same way we would never fail, either.
Right now, if you erased some phrases from your vocabulary and replaced them with some new ones your life would instantly improve.
“I think he’s The One!” becomes “I’m excited about this relationship right now. I’m excited to see where it leads.”
“I can’t communicate with my husband. He doesn’t listen to me.” becomes “I’m excited about learning how to communicate better with men so that I can understand my husband’s reactions more.”
“I know! I’ll be a Real Estate Agent!” becomes “I’m interested in becoming a Real Estate Agent. I’m going to explore it more and see if I like it.”
By changing your perspective from one of declarations and assumptions to one of exploration and learning you will always succeed.
“But, Alora, are you saying we should never have a goal? What if I have a goal like making $5,000 this month or attracting my soul mate?”
And to answer it I’m going to take you back to that one-year-old one more time…
That one-year-old does have a goal.
They want to walk like people do.
They want to make it to mommy’s outstretched arms.
They most certainly have a goal!
But again, their focus is not solely on the goal. Their focus is on learning how to achieve it so that that they can achieve it.
So if your goal is to make $5,000 next month and at the end of month you missed your target it’s not time to feel like a failure. It’s time to sit down and say “Hmm, where did I get off track? How can I do this better next month?”
If you looking for your soul mate but you’re still single you say “Hmm. How can I use the process of dating to help me with my goal of marrying my soul mate?” or “While I am single and not dating, what can I do to attract my soul mate?”
If you are not happy in your career you can ask “What can I do right now to understand more about what I really want and how to get it?”
Build A Bridge
The reason we feel like failures is because of our “success or failure” perspective around achieving goals.
If we are saying “I want this thing and until I get this thing I am a failure” then we will feel like a failure almost all the time…
…because we are never done wanting something new.
But if you assume that everything you are doing, learning, being, exploring and experiencing while you are in the process of achieving your goals is important you will never, ever feel like a failure.
You will feel like a complete, unending, unstoppable success.
I guarantee it.